The Joe Effect

I don’t know if you know this, but guys can be assholes. 

Let me tell you about the first time a trusted a guy.

I had just turned 15. At the time, I was in California. I was talking to a guy online who was 3 years older than me. I knew him and we had hung out, but I was away from him for a couple months. He was sweet, we talked all the time, and we shared similar interests. As time went on, feelings became more and more powerful. And before we knew it, I was in his town.

I got settled in to where I was staying in town, and then he was on his way over. We were all over each other. But looking back, he was more touchy than I was. We would make flirty touches of the hand and intense looks, and he’d always pull me onto his lap when he sat.


It was dark now, and he said, ” Let’s go up the hill, there is a great view of the town up there.” And so we go. As I’m gasping my way up this steep hill, he veers to the right and sits at a picnic table. I pause. There is absolutely no view. There is a table, dirt, and tall enough pine trees that the only option for a “view” was to look straight up to the starry sky.

“This is it? ” I asked incredulously. There’s no way. A pit in my stomach opened up.

I knew I had made a mistake that night.

“Yep,” he said, stretching his arms over the table.

I didn’t know if I wanted to give in and sit, or sprint back down the hill to the safety of where my mom was. But not to be a chicken, I sat. And he pulled me onto his lap. Somehow, we ended up playing truth or dare. Stupid. I picked truth, but he dared me to kiss him. My mind raced. I studied him. The sad part was, in the end, I just gave in for no other reason than to get my first kiss over with. Really romantic, right? And even worse, the minute our lips touched, I kept saying in my mind that kissing is not that great whatsoever. That night, I numbly walked down the hill with my arm through his, and the smile he wore sickened me. I knew I had made a mistake that night. Heck, even the 2 months we talked online made me feel stupid.

My first kiss, it felt like, was taken from me.

The next night, I was in a situation. Joey planned a night photo shoot. You know, the pictures that can capture an image of the stars? When he told me his plans, I was torn between staying with mom…or going with him and risking something else. I ended up going just so I could get out of the house and see the stars and the pictures that were to be taken. And so we sat on his cold-as-heck metal truck tailgate. He kept rubbing his hands on my thighs, and I grew more nervous. I was shaking. Sure it was cold, but I knew I was freaking out on the inside. I didn’t want him to touch me at all that night. But I was 15 and didn’t know what to do. I was stuck. I felt trapped.

But nothing happened that night. Not even a kiss.

Over the next couple of days, we convinced my mom to allow him to take me flying somewhere. Joey was a young pilot. So the day came when we went up into the air and headed to the coast. Things were good and sweet. We went for lunch and hung out on the beach. More cringey PDA. Somehow, instead of going bowling in the town, we started to wander back to the airport. Mistake. 

The boy was going to try to take advantage of me, in a plane, an hour flight away from home.


We arrived at the airport 2 hours earlier than we had said to my parents.

He pulled me onto his lap again, in the pilot seat. I knew he wanted to get somewhere with me. So, I fiddled with his iPad, nervously rambling about nothing, spent minutes going through his music, and wouldn’t look at him.

The boy was going to try to take advantage of me, in a plane, an hour flight away from home.

And he did try. I gave in and kissed him, hoping that kissing could get better. It was then, when I was finally able to relax into a kiss, he decided he wanted more. Before I knew what had happened, I was laying on the passenger seat and half on the plane door. His hand grasped my breast and he giggled as he kissed my neck. I made the biggest eye roll in my life and pushed him away. But he thought I was inviting him to take off my shirt, I guess?

Some people may say…

“What are you doing?! No. ”   I said. He dropped his hands and leaned back into his pilot seat. He was smiling though. The whole flight back, he was smiling and giddy, like he actually got somewhere. I couldn’t look at him, so I looked out my window and the flight buttons. I didn’t smile or spreak to him, either. He never asked how I was doing, didn’t stop showing happiness.

I thought I could trust him. He got my parents to trust him. I thought he wouldn’t rush me, touch me, like that. All of this, and I became disgusted.

Some people may say that it was romantic. Some may say that I should’ve known a guy would try to get a feel.

Some may say that an 18 year old guy should’ve known not to do that and says he’s an asshole.

But I also should’ve listened to my gut and stopped whatever was happening from the night of the first kiss.

Just… my first-something-boy experience was bad. I wish it had never happened.
Can any of you relate?…

~Rosie

(P.S. I left the next day after the flight happened. I left the town and only texted him a goodbye when I was about 100 miles away. )

Breaking Hearts

First of all, WHY? Just… why?

You know what I’m talking about. Someone falls in love with you when you never even considered them. Next thing you know, you find out that someone actually loves you.

Had a crush on you.

Really liked you.

Adored you.

And you don’t even realize until a day comes when the person makes it so blindly obvious that they’re in love with you. You don’t even have enough time to take a breath before they start explaining their love.

You want nothing more than to not hear why they love you, want you.
This is what breaks my heart, and theirs. It makes me feel like I have a stone-cold heart, but I can’t lie and say I love them back. I won’t force myself to love a person when I simply don’t find them… in that way.
I can’t stand to listen about how they went into adoring me. I want the person to cut it off. Now. No more. Leave it behind and get over it.

I sound like an ice queen, but it’s true.

I’m sorry. 

It’s not that I can’t or won’t love, like I don’t know how to love, but rather I just don’t feel what they feel. It’s hard to do, rejecting love from someone who offers you everything.

Breaking hearts, left and right. It’s not something to brag about.
Just wait, heartbreakers and lovers, someone will come in and embrace you with the love you’re holding out for.

-Rosie

My Nightmare; The Bad Boy

You know the saying, “Why do girls only fall for the bad boys? No wonder they are hurt, girls do it to themselves.”

Well, I met my bad boy. Today, actually. Right now, I’m cursing him over and over in my mind from the things he said to me in one afternoon. With every intrusive question, I felt walls around my soul spring up like I had never felt. I would look him in the eyes, as if asking if he was serious silently. Sometimes I would laugh, not believing what he would say to me. He knew exactly how to irk me. Then, it was as if he knew he made me not like him more and more.  Two minutes later, he would do something as if to apologize to me.

This is the problem with bad boys; You never know when, or even if, to trust them. You honestly don’t know what they’re going to do next. You don’t know what their deal is, and maybe we girls will never know. You don’t know if they actually care for you, or if they want to add you to their scoreboard. You never know what is going on in that boy’s mind. That’s the scariest part.

Here’s my problem, as the girl; We dig so deep to find a connection with a person that even a mysterious boy could probably solve that. We girls can eat up the smallest things that could possibly matter. But even more than that, we think we can.. well, I wouldn’t go as far to say “change” the boy, but fix them.

It’s simple. Girls need to stay away from these kind of boys.

But then, I think that maybe I can help him. Maybe I can make him see how he can get his life on track. I don’t mean it in a rude way. But sometimes it takes a bold person to put bold questions in a young person’s mind.

And then, hopefully they can ponder it enough to help them understand something about themselves that they couldn’t quite reach before. That’s all I hope for.

You never know why boys can be that way. Maybe they are protecting themselves, maybe some past trauma, or maybe they just have absolutely know idea how to deal with girls and/or life.

By no means do I want to give myself completely to a boy who is rude and moody to me when I never did anything wrong .

Be cautious and careful, girls. Be aware of what you’re doing.

~Rosie

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Welcome, Roses

Hello!

My name is Rosie, and I am here to tell you about my experiences with boys.

Granted, these are romance stories. But not all of them will awaken the butterflies in your stomach, some you may even be able to relate with. Either way, I will be telling true stories, whether they are sickly romantic or just disappointing.

The point of this blog, well… there isn’t really a point other than to type out my experience and feelings. However, if you can relate with anything, please, comment. I’ll listen.

You could ask, why roses?

Roses are my favorite. Sure, they may be cliche’, but they carry such deep meaning. Roses are rich, deep, romantic, beautiful and strong… The 5 things I still believe a relationship should be.

Anyway, welcome to my love life.

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~With love,

Rosie