Before I had known it, I had made a best friend.
This boy then told me that his sister was surprised we haven’t fucked yet. AND his mother “shipped” us.
We had mutual friends, so we connected online. We had a year of online friendship. It wasn’t an obsessive, “I have to text you everyday” thing, we were truly friends. So the time came where we finally had the chance to meet and hang out. In person! Sure, we were both excited, but we really didn’t know what to expect from each other. We were opposite sex, so would one of us be attracted to another? Possibly, but let’s continue…
He was a constant in my life. Always there, comforting, fun, goofy, could be serious, but also have the ability to just chill out. We were so close. In my mind, it was okay to be close with a male.
But I made a mistake. I’m torn–between wishing I had never allowed myself to do the things I did, and being glad it happened. And I think he’s the same way.
What exactly happened between these two?! You wonder.
My first mistake was when I asked to sleepover at his place because we were too tired to drive me home. That night, I allowed myself to be cuddled, then kissed. We shared his twin size bed until 5 am, and he found it hard to let me go.
Later that day he said to me, “I hadn’t had that good a sleep in a while.”
The second night, I let him cuddle me again, but it wasn’t for long. His mom caught us in the same bed though. Oops.
After that, we were at a mall. He went shopping with me, and was very patient. Then we went into a photo booth and when I puckered my lips to make a funny face, he thought I was going in for a kiss. We had to resolve that awkwardness within 10 seconds for the next photo.
I should’ve seen the signs within my first visit. But wait, it gets worse.
He drove 250 miles from his home to see me. Twice.
You know how when you find that special someone you’ll never actually get annoyed with them even though you spend everyday with them? Yeah, I got annoyed. The first visit, he surprised me a month after first seeing him. He was very touchy, and would make the dumbest jokes. By the end of the week, I had grown tired of him and couldn’t wait for him to go.
Nine months pass. Again, he comes to visit, but this time we planned. it. I was excited to see my friend. He would stay for a week, and this time it was fine. We would wander around town at night and talk. I also wanted to fool my coworkers that he was my boyfriend… That was dumb. Then, his mom and sister visit. They all acted like I was already family… This boy then told me that his sister was surprised we haven’t fucked yet. AND his mother “shipped” us. Face palm.
I then had only realized how much damage I had done. I did what everyone tells girls to do, “Just be yourself.” Yeah, well, I was and my friend fell in love with me. I also admit that I let him hold me in a way someone interested would hold a person. I led him on, and I hadn’t payed attention to it. I let my friend be more than a friend every once in a while… Enough to let himself fall for me.
It’s made me question how I interacted with guys, and once I realized it all, everything made sense.
Nowadays, I have no close guy friends. I think it’s better this way.
So this wasn’t the Boy Next Door story. I never had a secret crush on him. This was all just a Charlie Foxtrot.
So girls, know that you are beautiful, and even your most unexpected guy friend probably has a crush on you. Realize that you can unintentionally lead men on (yes, you have that power).